Zoom Zoom 2

So, now that psych is thankfully over, my attention has been diverted back to she-bomb (I may or may not have watched a little Buffy before this, but who’s keeping track). And because I researched golf carts yesterday, it would seem I have no choice but to procrastinate even further. The only problem? Today does not really feel like a writing day (my brain quite strongly resembles a bowl of porridge— talk about a funny word to spell out). Therefore, I made the executive decision to rely a little more heavily than usual on multimedia.

Yesterday, I was scurrying up the grassy knoll by Keefe. When I finally summited and strongly considered collapsing on the road— yes, it’s been that long since I worked out— my mind was suddenly wiped blank by a near death experience with none other than a lawn mower.

No... not like this...

I’m talking a real, live, hovercrafty, scary, 600 knauts-per-minute, watch-me-as-i-zip-around-this-corner-with-my-blades-flailing, lawn mower. I can only assume it was operated by an Amherst grounds’ man (I’m not assuming he was a man— I know he was a man— I’m assuming he works for Amherst. And if he doesn’t, but was a student, someone please put me in contact with him. I want to be his friend) who was riding atop that bad boy as though he were on the top of the world with complete and utter disregard for we poor students. He was decidedly on a mission, most likely to cut some grass. But that is no excuse!

All this got me to thinking, as it is now sprummer (spring, yet almost summer if the weather would simply cooperate), there have got to be better ways for we poor sedentary souls to get around.

Now this is more like it

I am in no way knocking cars— how else would I cart my ass 300 miles home and back every few weekends, but really, it’s so nice out (most often).

Crazy Cat Lady Classic

There’s gotta be a way to take advantage of all this fresh air for local travel.

Now there will always be the standard horse and buggy

the newer, more modern style of course

And for the brave of soul, the ox and buggy

But what about the rest of us? For those of us who don’t wanna climb aboard an ostrich, there’s gotta be something better for us out there!

Not to mention it’s gotta cost a fortune to feed an ostrich. What do they even eat? Anyone, anyone? Animals are not only inconvenient, but expensive. There’s only room for one tiger on the Davis landing and something tells me Eric wouldn’t really be game for me housing my sulfur-creating, food-consuming transportation in the basement somewhere.

Not exactly cost effective, even when you take into consideration the novelty aspect. And I am all about cost effective these days. After Amherst has just about driven me to purchase my own exterminator for my ant infestation (I have been sleeping in our common room for about a week now because, though it might come as a shock, big black godzilla ants are not exactly my scene). Thank goodness i’m moving out in a couple of days… otherwise shit would be going downnn.

perhaps they should use that money they’ve saved by not making the socials livable on pimping out the garbage trucks that wake me up at 5 am in the morning instead.


Wouldn’t be so outrageous in comparison to the other shit they spend their money on i.e. Tony Marxing val. anyhow, i digress. well sort of. i may or may not consider this whole post a digression…

and rather than returning to my subpar rambles, I think I will leave you with these last tips on cat massage (if you wish to practice something useful with your finals period) and wish you best of luck on the rest of your finals… though it doesn’t feel like it, summer is near, my friends!

Whisker Watch Alert!

until next week!

–Proud Pantaloons