Weight or lightness?

How did junior year already come and go? How am I already three-quarters of the way done with my COLLEGE career? In just one short year I will be entering the “real world”…a terrifying thought because I feel like I’m barely out of high school. Shoot, I’m still just as awkward as I was in high school.

Yet the big difference between high school and college, at least for me, is the overwhelming, ominous, vague, daunting, etc. etc. concept of “the FUTURE.” The Future. What does it even mean? Well obviously I don’t have a good answer to that one, but it does seems that every little thing I do, every decision I make (be it a good one, or a poor one), somehow impacts this big fat blob looming over my head.

I think there’s a striking parallel between the Karmic Justice System and college, as it relates to the future. We’ll call it the College Justice System. Or the Future Justice System? Or, maybe Don’t Do Stupid Shit Cuz’ You’ll Regret It-System.

Did you decide to get a little shitty with your roommates that one Tuesday when you should have been writing that paper? Did you watch three episodes of Community when you were supposed to be studying for that Bio-Chem exam? Did you go to that boy’s room when you really needed those extra couple hours of sleep? Did you really decide to go out five days in a row in celebration of two of your best friends’ 21st birthdays? Are you really writing a blog post when you have three more final papers to deal with?


Even though I make frequent and repeated attempts of sticking my middle finger up to “the Future” by doing things that I “ought” not to do (and trying to convince myself that I don’t give a SHIT…that nothing really matters), in the end I always feel guilt, burden, heaviness. In these moments, I wish more than anything that I could assign insignificance to all of my actions. I want to feel lightness, at least just once, at Amherst College.

So here is my sad attempt at bringing to She-Bomb the genius writing of Milan Kundera. The following passage comes from my favorite book of all time (so far), The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Likewise, in the spirit of lightness, I’ve created an 8-tracks playlist of songs that evoke feeling of lightness, at least for me. I hope you enjoy.

“The heaviest of burdens crush us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man’s body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life’s most intense fulfillment. The heaver the burden, the closer our lives come to earth, the more real and truthful they become.

Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.

What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?”

Today…well at least until I go to Val for another Valtastic dinner, I choose lightness.


Feather by Nujabes
New Schools by the sea and cake
Since I Left You by The Avalanches
Fireworks by Animal Collective
Strawberry Swing by Coldplay
I Love N.Y.E. by Badly Drawn Boy
Shooting Stars by Bag Raiders
Norway by Beach House
Go Do by Jonsi
Sagaba by Blue Scholars
House of Cards by Radiohead
Latitude (remix) by Nujabes ft. Five Deez
Breathe by Telepopmusik
Fly Me Away by Goldfrapp
Don’t Stop by Brazilian Girls