info November 16, 2014 Uncategorized

Expectations vs. Reality

From what I remember about my sophomore-year Philosophy Honors discussions on Buddhism, expectations and attachments are the root of all suffering. And man, lots of freshmen are out here suffering. It’s no accident. The College Experience™ is a monolith in our culture, and rightfully so. We’re all invested (literally and figuratively) in the idea that college is a transformative experience, one that takes us from lost, listless teenagers to well-adjusted adults with degrees, life-long friendships, career prospects, even fiances. The varying degrees of truth to this statement are a topic for another article.

Because I really want to talk about unmet expectations. The Class of 2018 walked into Orientation with images of college drawn from movies where all the students are attractive and popular and constantly inebriated, plus whatever amalgams of truth and myth we’d been shown on our pre-frosh tours of Amherst College. Obviously, this set some of us up for disappointments. A blessed few instantly clicked with their sports teams or lucked out and got to live on a super-tight-knit floor, but a lot of us are still out here trying to figure this college thing out.

I’ve had this conversation with my own friends ad nauseam this week. Over and over, we’ve sat in Val and complained about how nothing is quite like it was supposed to be. Next to complaining about the food and the workload, this topic seems most likely to bring out a common response from almost everyone.

After all, it’s only been three months. I’m not going to go into an exhaustive analysis of what exactly, about Amherst College makes so many of us feel this way, but my gut feeling is it has something to do with Amherst’s unique approach to student life. For better or for worse, we are more sheltered here than we would be at other schools. There’s a big emphasis on athletics, Friday nights consistently kind of suck. All of this is at odds with the images of higher education we’ve been fed since practically middle school.

I don’t really have a solution to the problem I’ve spent the last four paragraphs discussing. I won’t even claim to understand it fully. In reality, I like it here. I’ve made good friends and I go out every weekend. The only time I’m upset about my time here is when I compare my experiences to movies, T.V. and my high school friends’ Instagram feeds. I haven’t met my soulmate or soul sister yet, I haven’t had a night out worthy of I’m Shmacked, and that’s okay. I have plenty of time.

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1

Anon on November 18, 2014 at 7:53 pm
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Would you mind expressing exactly what you mean when you say that Amherst College students are more “sheltered” than students at other institutions?
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  camidmngz on November 18, 2014 at 11:58 pm
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  For one thing, we all live on campus.
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    Anon on November 19, 2014 at 12:17 am
    
    And how is that any different from comparable institutions as you suggested it is in your use of the term above?
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    camidmngz on November 19, 2014 at 12:34 am
    
    Most colleges are not 100% residential? And people live on their own and not in dorms?
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    Anon on November 19, 2014 at 12:48 am
    
    That’s not true for many comparable liberal arts colleges. And it is still unclear to me how living on campus is by nature sheltering (in the sense you are using the term). Generally one would use sheltered to refer to someone who has a limited worldview or limited experiences through a careful systematic process of preventing them from obtaining those perspectives. Amherst has plenty of housing options that provide students with opportunities for indepdent living, communal living, living in a residential neighborhood, living more in town, being responsible for meals, etc. This doesn’t seem to be systematically limiting opportunities for students. If anything students aren’t required to go through the process of securing rent and things but I don’t see how that in particular supports your thesis on social life and college expectations.
    
    You use this line about being sheltered to substantiate your claim that the amherst approach to social life is unique. I’m simply wondering how exactly you envision these to be related. I don’t necessarily think you’re wrong, just I would like to hear more :)
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    camidmngz on November 21, 2014 at 9:20 am
    
    I guess I meant it pretty literally. Since we all live on campus and since Amherst is a really insular community, we’re protected, even if it’s from ourselves. So like, fewer ragers but also safety ya know?
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Anonymous on November 18, 2014 at 8:19 pm
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I guess one thing that concerns me is your expectation of “expectations.” It’s as if you thought Amherst (and any other college you might have found yourself in) was going to mold to these presupposed views of college life. We hear this word tossed around a lot with our generation, but isn’t that what one might call entitlement? Why should any freshman expect that they deserve, or should at the very least find, a Friday night that doesn’t suck? On what rational grounds might one defend the view that a social life worth talking about is going to be waiting for them at the front door of orientation.

Is it really Amherst’s (i.e, administration, AAS, etc) job to create a place where we all feel like we have found belonging and meaning and happiness? Sure they can give avenues for things like funding for events, platforms for intellectual discussion, policy to enable formal social gatherings (social clubs? — dare I say really?). But all of that is so superficial. It is no wonder that Amherst students feel lonely. Most of us come in with these expectations that Amherst, being the renowned school it is, will have everything we need waiting for us. But that precisely denies the mission of the school and the type of students that are sought.

We as a community should stop expecting Friday night to all of a sudden become “good” or “fun”, stop expecting the conversations in val to be inspiring, stop expecting our class discussions to give us that career launching insight and stop expecting that we are going to feel loved and welcomed. None of that will ever happen unless we each, as members of this community, commit ourselves to actively creating an environment which endorses the things we have since only expected.

Don’t wait for Friday night to come to you, make it happen. If you think the parties suck, throw your own. Tired of getting drunk of cheap beer and looking for a regrettable hookup? Then figure out something else to do with your friends. Go for a walk in the woods and write poetry under flashlight. Go see a movie in town. Play hide and seek in Merrill (esp hide and seek from the police). Create a new game. Find friends who will commit to reading a book/essay and make Friday night debate night in your common room. Hold a photoshoot with your friends. Find someone with a car and just drive somewhere. We are Amherst students, at least one of us is bound to be creative.

And when it comes to your class discussions, if no one is talking, then raise your own hand and start the discussion. In val, you choose the topic at your table. You can create the community that you want, you have the potential to change this culture.

Four years ago this campus had 1750 different students and four years from now 1750 new students. But for your four years this campus reflects what you want it to be. So make it happen and stop expecting someone is going to do that for you.
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  camidmngz on November 19, 2014 at 12:05 am
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  Wow you figured me out. Cheap beer and regrettable hookups were 100% the inspiration behind this post.
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    Anonymous on November 19, 2014 at 12:57 am
    
    Good, I didn’t think you were. But you write with a negative tone until the last paragraph (unless I read you wrong) so what are you really trying to say? Our you upset that your expectations were not met. What do these expectstions mean and how should we respond to them?
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    camidmngz on November 19, 2014 at 4:23 pm
    
    I think you may have misinterpreted the piece. I came to Amherst without any expectations, since I didn’t get the chance to tour campus as a pre-frosh. I was writing this piece after long conversations with other freshmen who may have had other experiences and expectations, and who therefore are less happy here. It seems to me that the pre-conceived notions of what constitutes a good college experience account for a lot of the trouble the freshmen are having. I think a good solution is to just keep an honest dialogue going, be truthful about what we’re all going through. That was my intention when I wrote this piece.
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Anonymous on November 19, 2014 at 1:51 am
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Cami, you bring up a really good point- I think that a lot of the perceived problems with Amherst definitely come down to disappointed expectations. I think it’s important to think about who exactly we expect to deliver on these expectations. A lot of people immediately turn to the administration to fix their loneliness, boredom, etc. But seriously what makes us think that they’ll be able to remedy these problems? Yes, loneliness is endemic on campus but it is a highly individualized problem that is very difficult to address within the larger framework of an institution like Amherst. The institution can give us some tools (ability to use school funds and venues for social events, money so the RC’s can buy food for floor bonding, the counseling center, etc.) but we have to take advantage of them and find other ways to make the most out of our Amherst experiences. In all of those college movies, were any of the wild parties sponsored by the school? Did any of those freshman bff-bonding scenes happen during a get-to-known-you game during orientation? I’m not saying that the administration isn’t to some extent responsible for student quality of life, I just think that we can’t expect them to deliver what want.
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  camidmngz on November 19, 2014 at 4:20 pm
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  Agreed
13

Sympathetic on November 19, 2014 at 1:54 am
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Camila –

I just want to say that the feeling you expressed in this article is totally understandable and has been around for years. My freshman and sophomore year, I always felt guilty that I wasn’t taking advantage of the “Amherst Experience.” I’ve had problems with depression and anxiety my whole life, and this guilt exacerbated my emotions to a breaking point several times over those two years. Since then, thanks to an incredibly supportive group of individuals who I’m blessed to call my friends, I’ve moved past this worry. I wouldn’t have met these people if I hadn’t come to Amherst, and I’m immensely grateful to the college for allowing me an environment to meet them.

Basically, I’m trying to say that you’re not alone in feeling this way, and I hope you stay optimistic about life at Amherst. There are a lot of problems, but the people here are some of the most interesting, intellectual, and compassionate you can meet. Amherst is a frustrating mess, but the people that go here make the campus a special place because of who they are.
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  camidmngz on November 19, 2014 at 4:19 pm
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  Wow, thanks for sharing. I’m happy you were able to overcome your anxiety and depression and find your friends. I’ve struggled with those issues myself, but I am really positive and happy to be at Amherst!
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Anonymous on November 19, 2014 at 11:46 am
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you are a queen
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Amherst '17 on December 31, 2014 at 3:12 pm
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The social life here is generally lacking unless you’re an athlete or overwhelmingly outgoing.

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