Horse racing has recently come under fire for its abusive handling of injured or close-to-retiring horses. It also happens to be one of the oldest athletic traditions in the country, starting in 1875 after enthusiasts observed similar races in England and France, with the first ever Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs.
In honor of the Kentucky Derby (which happened yesterday at 6:30PM) I’ve come up with a list of the top seven most ridiculous names (most of which are actually phrases) that horse owners have bestowed upon their horses in the past 20-30 years, not counting the winner of this year’s race (‘I’ll Have Another’- I kid you not. Another? Another what? Beer? Better name?)
1. ARRRRRRR (2008) : Jack Sparrow would be pleased.
2. That’s What She Said (2009) : I’m betting if horses could talk/had opposable thumbs, whoever the owner is would pay for this one.
3. Panty Raid (2007) : Also the name of a pretty spectacular DJ.
4. Imawildandcrazyguy (2007) : I’m not quite sure if this name is supposed to reflect the personality of the horse or the owner, but either way it’s an epic flop.
5. No Fat Chicks (1988) : Ah, a sprinkling of misogyny with that nicely polished trophy. I like it.
6. Where’s the Beef (2008) : Well, seeing as horses are herbivores, probably nowhere in sight. Wait, that’s funny- I may have just discovered why this name exists.
7. Bodacious Tatas (1985) : Clearly a decision made after the horse’s owner came back from doing too many shots of tequila. Actually, that story probably applies to most of these.
New lists to come every Sunday from yours truly.