A Girl Pretty Girl’s New Year’s Resolution

Just like a day, a week, and a month, a year is nothing more than a unit of time, and New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day, is merely a marking of the passage of time. What makes a year so much better than an hour? I think the real reason we celebrate the passing of each year is to avoid the alternative- dread. That’s right, the optimist that I am, I really believe if we were getting ourselves so plastered that we honestly believed it could be 1999, we would be crying, or even worse, we’d be resigned- Oh, another year. Another year of the same.

That’s why we make resolutions—resolutions are just our miserable attempts to convince ourselves that this year will be different, that we will be different, but let’s face it,very few of us actually loose those 15 pounds and become less critical of others or more open to relationships. Or, if we do, it’s not because we drunkenly resolved to do so on some meaningless January 1st.

So what’s the takeaway? Well, be it an hour, maybe an hour spent in a lecture that puts you to sleep, or a week without sleep, or a month of really bad sex, with the passage of every unit of time, we should take the opportunity to evaluate our lives and resolve to make changes. Why do we need to wait a whole year? (And why do we need to wait a whole year to celebrate having made through? I know, I could use a bottle of champagne all to myself after some Tuesdays.)

So here’s my style ‘resolution.’ It’s something I’ve been thinking about all semester, maybe even all my life (but it’s just been suppressed by all of the super-strict, private, catholic schooling). I’m going to be more guy pretty.

What the hell is guy pretty? A good friend of mind likes to call Megan Fox ‘guy pretty’. Until she introduced me to the term, I would’ve just called Fox’s style slutty.  Essentially, guy pretty, is dressing to the tastes of men- tight clothes that show every curve of your body, as well as low cuts and short lengths to reveal as much of those curves as possible.

Honestly, I resent this conception of style and beauty. I resent the idea that women have to dress to a guy’s tastes to be considered attractive. But let’s try a more feminist framing. If the objective of dressing ‘guy pretty’ is to be able to look in the mirror and say, ‘Damn, I look good,’ than even if you don’t leave the house, I think trying a plunging neckline or a form-fitting dress here and there, isn’t all that bad.

When I get dressed, I’m girl pretty- generally, when I go out, girls goo and ga over what I’m wearing. That’s not to say that guys don’t like the way I dress, but let’s just say most of the guys who like my clothes are not trying to get in my pants, either because they’re gay or because they live on a planet where girls come lower on the priority list than comics, philosophy, music, writing, or whatever it is they do.

Many of my outfits are however, very (straight) man repelling—I wear turbans, bindis, harem pants, neon colored pants, 6 inch platforms, and oversized mixed-matched flannels on the reg. When I wear a tight low cut dress, I throw an oversized button down or netted-something or shawl or lax pinnie over it’s not just for shits n giggles, but because I don’t want to look like another girl at the socials—I don’t even go to the socials anymore because the lack of originality on a Saturday night is too depressing for me sometimes.

I wear big-framed glasses. I bought them because they were the cheapest pair in the store and a cool color, one I like to call Merlot Red. I didn’t buy them to fit in on my excursions to Brooklyn or because I want to be a hipster. I like that there’s a lot of surface area because I can see more.  They’re quirky and that’s fine because when I look in the mirror in my glasses and my flannels and my ‘Just Say Yo’ Nancy Reagan T-Shirt, I think, “Damn, I look good.” … Well, maybe I don’t think that, but most of the time, I don’t hate what I see. I feel like myself in the clothes I wear.

That same friend calls Zooey Deschannel, or rather, her character Jess, on the New Girl, the epitome of girl pretty. Girls would trade faces with her in a second (that’s not to say they wouldn’t also trade bodies and faces with Megan Fox…) I digress. Guys think she’s cute, but especially if they watch the TV show, they wouldn’t dream about taking her home at the end of the night.

Again, I revert to classifying beauty based on the opinions’ of men. How terrible is that? But unfortunately, it’s something most of us have to deal with every time we get dressed—most of the time, unless you look and dress like Megan Fox, the guys we agonize over don’t know or care what we’re wearing, if they notice us to begin with. But with no other vocabulary to differentiate—Guys want to sleep with Guy Pretty girls and marry Girl Pretty girls.

So back to my resolution. Be more guy pretty. It’s not because I’m looking to get some or because I don’t want to be seen as marriage material.  I just want to try something new. I think it’s good to change up your style every once and while, and well, there isn’t much I haven’t already done, except, well guy pretty. But don’t worry, I can wear a tight or low cut dress, without losing my nerdy glasses (how else can I see who I’m attracting? I need to be able to judge my work don’t I?) or the occasional bindi or turban.