Basically. Today. Despite the rain. I won. Big Time. And I wanted to share it. In an informal anecdote/post, because it’s really funny. If you read through the story, you will be rewarded in the end, I promise.
My history seminar is filled with 70% super-dilligent, arrive 15 minutes early, bring 12 pencils (and refuse to loan any out because they’re on “low reserve”) types. This is fine. Some people feel very strongly about “Hexenvervolgung” and really wanna learn. I agree. I would also like to learn. However, I’d like to arrive 30 seconds before class starts (ideally). If you arrive 5 minutes before class starts (really, I’m willing to make some concessions–that’s how early I arrived today) you have to sit with the bad kids who talk the whole time (at loud levels so no one else can hear the professor). It’s actually really rude and embarrassing at this point because it clearly hurts the professor’s feelings. “Ich bin noch da!” (I’m still here!) he says. Today, there was only one chair left (really? 5 mins early and I’m last?). I had to sit next to sir Animal Porn.
Sir animal porn and I go back a long way. We had to admit where we were from the first day of class, so everyone found out I’m an American (which is always a big to-do in Germany). So naturally, this disgusting kid with grease in his hair turned to me the next seminar and said, (in english, no intro, this was it):
“Do you like Animal porn?”
This guy, also, I might add, always grabs at his (girlfriend’s??) thigh, leg, crotch, indiscriminate area. So I’m pretty sure he’s heterosexual. This will be important later. He started to draw this time, which I was happy about because I could hear the professor for the first time.
When he’s done I can see it’s a three component piece:
1. Hand, flipping the bird, reading “F-U-C-K” on each finger (original, sir)
2. “Jenna” (not his girlfriend)
He folds it and asks me to pass it to Jenna across the room. I stared at him with contempt. We’re not in the fourth grade, sir! Grow up. Not to mention. Ghettobitch? I’m sorry:
Jenna is just a proper girl who actually wants to behave and listen. Do you even know what that term means? I am really sick of Germans misusing American phrases. Cause they do it all the time. No, he is not a “sugar daddy.” where did you learn that? You can’t just take these words out of their cultural context, people! Don’t throw that in your German sentence and think you’re cool! It makes you look like a huge dweeb!
I passed it with a disgusted look on my face and asked him if he had ever been in a Ghetto before. “Like a Jewish Ghetto?” the smartass retorted.
“No. An American Ghetto”
“Ja, one time, in Harlem. Were you ever in a Ghetto?” ….(such. a. jackass.)
“Ja, I taught for students with fewer opportunities in a so called ghetto this summer. I just think it’s offensive when taken out of context. I think a lot of Germans misuse English phrases not realizing what it means.”
“I just meant it to be funny”
“Well, I think you misunderstood. Like your hands.”
His knuckles read “S-U-C-K” and “D-I-C-K”
“The way it reads, it sounds like you’re trying to say you’re gay.” ****
“maybe I wanna be gay.”
It was a win. A big win. I showed up the disgusting guy. And then I told him I didn’t like talking in class and he shouldn’t talk to me. And then I won. and then he tried to wash it off his hands. But it stayed on. S-U-C-K D-I-C-K. And then I won some more. MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
keep winning sheBOMBers, I know I will !!!!
X X X
****of course there’s nothing embarrassing about wanting to show you’re gay, but he clearly didn’t mean it that way, it was an example of him misusing English, so I thought I would point it out to him.