Out of the Doghouse

So, now that it is the end of summer and I move back in on Friday, I figure it is time to start buckling down and actually posting on time. But, seeing as every single post I managed to write this summer (let’s be honest, I can count the number on one hand), started with an apology for tardiness, I don’t see why this one should be any different. So yeah… sorry for being late and just generally absent. But, in honor of school and “academic dedication” I will be turning over a new leaf back at Amherst and actually posting every week. To say goodbye to summer, I have created a little tribute to my summer procrastination gloriously entitled: Ten Reasons Why This Post [and every other one] Was Late. Don’t tell me that’s not inspirational.

Ten Reasons Why This Post [and every other one] Was Late:

10. I was searching for the next Triple Crown winner on equine.com. Should probably start picking out my derby hat now.

See ya in the winners circle

9. I was distracted by World Curling Championships on TV. Who said the Canadians don’t know how to have fun?
8. I was researching the logistics of donating half of my liver… they can just cut around the early signs of Cirrhosis
7. I was picking out my future sperm donor… just in case Brad Pitt doesn’t call me back

Don't tell me our children wouldn't be genetically blessed

6. I was cleaning up the extensive damage from yesterday’s earthquake.
5. I was watching free movies on Amazon.com. There’s nothing like a movie in Swedish without subtitles on pre-teen lesbians to start the day right.
4. I was planning my fiftieth birthday party. Moon bounce anyone?
3. I was dropping verses for my next mixtape. Proud Pantaloon: 2012 Grammy Winner for best rap album. I see it.

Reppin' da Dirty Jerz

2. I was hitting up webmd.com in a frantic effort to cure my obvious maladies. Procrastination must be a symptom of a very serious disorder, right? ADHD? Early onset Alzheimers? Meningitis?
1. I was having way too much fun with faceinhole.com! Can’t you tell?

And with that note, I say goodbye to procrastination and hello to responsibility (except not actually).

At my little sister’s insistence: