I brought my compass to orientation but all we did was sit in chairs and drink tea

It is unclear what I can and cannot tell you about my internship. I will check with my superiors as time goes by, but I have heard so many horror stories since I have arrived about dumb people doing dumb things! For example:

Intern #1: Devised a clever way to remember his passwords with a series of baseball cards. He was working for the FBI, and they FIGURED HIM OUT! (Surprise?).

Intern #2: Was privileged enough to venture abroad with Condi, but snapped pictures with the Sec. of State in restricted areas and uploaded them to Facebook. Fired. Forever.

Intern #3: Porn.

Intern #4: More porn.

Intern#5: MORE PORN BOYS ARE SO GROSS.

Let us not forget the ultimate bad-girl intern...

So, I am trying to do a good job and not get fired before I even begin my actual task. For the first three days I have been becoming oriented. The world can often be disorienting, as all good freshmen know, and there is nothing like a good week of marshmallow handgun wars and ninja name-games to get us pointed in the right direction. The government, of course, does things ploddingly, but spiritedly nonetheless. In the past three days I have sat in a conference room for about 14 hours. For 10 of those hours we were told to “get to know one another”. I did that for a solid 4 hours on the first day, but if you know me you know even this was a challenge. I can love people at certain times of day when the light hits them just right, but nobody should ever be forced into the coworker round-table in the dungeon-like lair of bureaucracy. Today I actually got to meet my staff and see where I will be working! There are marble toilets on one side of the building, and dingy, puce WWII cabinets on the other (and in my office). I have a window, a stapler (googly eyes to come!) and a swivel chair. What more could a girl want? I also held Woodrow Wilson’s Nobel Prize. In my hands. No gloves. Just me and history. Me and gold. And librarians. It’s going to be a good summer, I think.

I made a lot of friends in a conference room by demonstrating my true artistic talent and disturbed mental state. Should he jump or shouldn't he? I sure wanted to (though I appreciated the free coffee and grapes).

TTFN! The job search is still on. If you know anyone is D.C. that needs their nose-hairs trimmed or their cats walked, I’m yo gurl.

 

PS: I haven’t seen any bunnies around lately. They don’t seem to exist in D.C., which pleases me deeply. At least the Capitol Police are keeping evil vermin off the lawn (including the 8th grade FUNZONEUSHISTORYFIELDTRIP plague). Or maybe they melted in the sun. The duckling above thought about this is advance and invented this ingenious umbrella contraption to shield him from danger. Clever, clever boy.