So. I know my day of posting is Monday. And I swear. I started this post on Monday. Sort of. My new fascination these days is with tigers. Big, little, white, orange, thin, fat. You name ’em I love ’em. So I decided. What better than to adopt a cuddly kitty kat for our landing.
But then I got distracted watching them swim, and romp, and play with balls. And next thing I know. Monday is Tuesday… and how can you not drink on Tuesdays? (You can’t is the right answer to that bad boy) So Tuesday quickly became Wednesday. And well here I am. But there is a silver lining to my procrastination! I have had all sorts of time to started planning the logistics of my Davis Big Cat Haven. The landing of our suite, while small, seems to be the ideal candidate to house my tiger. I figure I can put up a little fence at the top of the stairs to keep it out of our common room. And we’ll just keep our doors shut, climb in through the windows rather than through the bathroom, etc. Maybe we’ll even adopt a puppy for its playmate— Big Cat Rescue taught me when raised together, they can be the best of friends. I can go to school by day, train cub by night— they say domestic tigers need lots of training. Problem. Solved. Now really, I say this in jest because while I am not some crazy PETA person, I do both understand and respect how bad it is for tigers to live in my dorm room. But, my future is that of a crazy cat lady so I figured why not start training now.
There’s only one problem. Massachusetts doesn’t allow any exotic animals as pets. I mean really, what were they thinking? I can’t think of a better climate to house a jungle cat— it certainly rains enough. Anyone up for moving to Idaho? For whatever reason, they have no big cat laws… How can you resist this…
I know, I know, even that is not cute enough to convince me to move to Idaho either. But it came pretty damn close. So my next move was to investigate the logistics of adopting a tiger. All that normal World Wild Life fund adoption shit was a hoax— they don’t even let you shop for your own tiger! They literally just want to steal your money and give you a miniature stuffed animal for $225. Horse. Shit. Boy was I disappointed. But then I learned that you simply have to adopt from sanctuaries and the like. There’s Big Cat Rescue and Project Survival and all sorts of little places you can talk to.
It didn’t take me long to settle on Goliath and Kong— two Bengal tiger brothers born Dec 4, 1997. They’re more or less the most precious things ever. So if I ever wanted to put my money toward a good cause rather than PVP calzones, they would defs be the beneficiaries.
What immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry?